Timmy Mowafi takes us through the WC final via a minute-by-minute descent into tactical boredom, halftime-show delirium, political outrage and increasingly unfiltered family commentary.

Timmy Mowafi

Jul 20, 2026

34 Questions, Thoughts & Concerns I Had While Watching World Cup Final

1. Why are they singing the US national anthem before Spain Vs Argentina?

2. “What is this f*** s*** I could have stayed sleeping, where is the match?” - My Dad.

3. Whilst tactically I’ve heard of the false 9 position, Argentina seem to be playing false 9, 10, 11, 7 and 8 positions also.

4. Played in broad daylight, finals seem anticlimactic.

5. The memes coming out during the match are more entertaining than the match itself. Memes are the future of sports broadcasting.

6. I don’t know about you, but I fell in love with football watching astute tactical discipline come to fruition. I still reminisce about being a little boy in the park, dreaming that one day I might execute a low block.

7. “They always like to act like they hit somebody with gun and then they go on the floor” - Mum (and also, yes, correct Mum).

8. What was the prompt for this AI slop half time show?

9. Despite hosting four World Cups in the last three decades and having a serial winning Women’s national team, till date, USA’s biggest football (soccer) export is Ted Lasso.

10. When Messi was 11, doctors put him on growth hormone injections to help him grow, which I assume is the opposite of whatever they’re giving the Ghetto Kids dancer performing with Shakira, who must be about 38 by now.

11. What injections is Tom Cruise taking?

12. How much did they pay Ronaldo and Ronaldinho to awkwardly dance on a buggy surrounded by 20 half naked gyrating men and geriatric Madonna.

13. Yeah, but who are the muppets here, really?

14. I can’t believe that, after all the controversy over team officials being denied visas - and the broader absurdity of holding the tournament in a country actively supporting a genocide and carrying out one of the most aggressive immigrant-deportation programmes in history - they never told us it would all be resolved by Coldplay singing about love and unity atop a giant peace sign. Sneaky, sneaky. They had that in their pocket the whole time. God bless.

15. How we thought the Egypt V Iran pride game would look…

16. Love is the theme - hate is the undertone.

17. What do you reckon the players got up to during their extra 15 minutes of half-time? Presumably, they sat in awkward silence while Bieber performed his emotional medley, having sold the rights to all his bangers.

18. Morally bankrupt World Cup was Sponsored by Bank of America.

19. After England 6-4 France this match should have been cancelled. That was football. This is table football without human intervention.

20. “What happens if they are still drawing after the extra time, do they keep playing forever?” I really hope not Mum.

21. Do you think players are excited that If they win, they get to dance on a buggy surrounded by gyrating men with Madonna in 20 years.

22. An Argentinian red card! Finally! All it took was someone launching an opponent into a mid-air somersault with their studs - and even then, it was only a second yellow, in the final minute of the final game, when there was no more commercial value left to milk from Messi.

23. I think Messi’s 2022 World Cup should be rescinded for trying to get Cucurella sent off after he briefly covered his mouth like a younger sibling whose toy had been taken away: “I’m telling on you!”

24. Is Alvarez vaping in the hydration break?

25. “Why is there a tree on his head?” - Dad, during a Nico Williams corner.

26. How can Argentinians have a reputation for being both Nazi and Zionists?

27. Trump is signaling to the referee what to do from above. The manager should cross his arms like Hossam Hassan. Ibn wskha. My mum’s (valid) commentary again.

28. Why do I kind of want Argentina to win now despite having 0 attempts on goal, maybe to like… to prove a point?

29. I wonder if Donald Trump and Infantino will kiss.

30. Why do referees get medals?

31. Donald Trump is going to act like a confused old man and get himself into the main team photo lifting the trophy isn’t he? “Oh where do I go, where do I stand, I don’t get soccer” Oh no he’s done it.

32. For young kids watching I hope they learn a lesson from Argentina. If you lose a match you can still win by finding the smallest player on the other team’s bench and beating them up unprovoked to show everyone who the best team really is.