Feeling Like an Absolute Mess? Here’s Where to Eat…

There comes a time in every professional yearner’s career where the yearning just gets too intense, and one cannot handle the influx of emotions finding their way to our sullen, broken hearts. Naturally, that is when one descends into a state of utmost destitution often referred to as ‘being a mess.’ Perhaps the most commonly enforced ‘unwritten law’- treating yourself to a juicy, saucy, and messy meal when you’re a mess - is a rite of passage, one trodden every so often when all other options have been exhausted. 

To help gather your emotional strength and put some white-tank-top-demolishing sustenance right back into you, we’ve gathered up some of our favourite spots where all semblance of etiquette is thrown out the window and set on fire, cutlery is just a cute seven letter word, and where you can (metaphorically) swim in a sea of items that look somewhat edible, strewn about on parchment paper disguised as a tray.  

Labash | Branches all over Egypt

When you’re…craving bottomless fried chicken.

Labash is aptly named, that’s all you need to know. Amongst the first to bring the ‘mashrama’ concept to Egypt, Labash is all about throwing as much protein and carbs on parchment as possible, and arming you with as much sauce as you will need. Burgers and fried chicken, to shrimp and chicken skewers, Labash has it all. 

Shrimp Nation | Branches all over Cairo

When you’re…in your spicy shrimp era.

Shrimps and crabs to mussels and lobsters, Shrimp Nation serves up Middle Eastern seafood concoctions, Louisiana style. Proudly embracing the mess required to truly soak up the flavors of the sea, Shrimp Nation is a safe haven for messy eaters who aren’t afraid of getting lost in the sauce. 

Ormet Fahmy | Park Plaza, Sheraton

When you’re… in your ‘ignoring my cholesterol’ era

Not sure who Fahmy is, but bless his soul. Popular for their signature savoury ‘goulash’, Ormet Fahmy lets you enjoy the Egyptian delicacy the way you would in your bedroom binge watching Gilmore Girls after midnight. Also serving other oriental classics and comfort-food in the same care-free manner, Ormet Fahmy has it all. 

Al Garary  | Cairo-Alexandria Desert Road

When you’re…on your way to Sahel and get some serious hungies.

Your dad is going to love this one. Serving up all sorts of Egyptian and oriental grills and tagines, Cairo-Alexandria road’s Al Garary village is a true family culinary-cult-classic where you can be as messy as you’d like, because we all know desert road stops are liminal spaces that aren’t real anyways. Oh, and food coma? You bet. 

El Ferdaws El Seene | Ahmed Okasha St., New Cairo

When you’re…not afraid of burning hot oil.

El Ferdaws El Seene is definitely not a messy food joint per se, but anyone who has ordered their hot pot would swiftly disagree. Heated up by fire sampled straight from Dante’s Inferno, El Ferdaws’ hot pot will turn your table into a Targaryen battlefield faster than you can say ‘Ow!’. Just make sure you wear something you won’t mind ruining. 

Clams & Claws | Branches all over Egypt

When you’re…craving finger-lickin’ good lobster.

All about the sauce, the clams, and the claws, Clams & Claws serves up some seriously saucy seafood packed up in heat-sealed bags and accompanied by your choice of roast potatoes or corn. But be warned, if you can’t handle the heat, then you’ll want to sit this one out. 

3 Diner | Branches all over Egypt

When you’re…craving the warmth of a Philly cheese steak.

Let me break the fourth wall here for a second to say this: the day 3 Diner closes its doors is the day I leave this country for good. 3 Diner’s Philly cheese steak sandwiches are perhaps one of the very few good things left in this country, and no that’s not hyperbole. Oozing with filling from all four sides, this is a sandwich you’ll have to go double on the gloves for. A mess in all the right places, this is a spot that’ll truly ‘fix you.’

B Laban | Branches all over Egypt

When you’re…in the mood for a sweet mess.

Here’s a well-known fact, B Laban invented messy desserts, and we love them for it. From the ‘salankateh’ to the falafel ice-cream and everywhere in between, B Laban is the foremost purveyor of all things heinously unnatural, and yet so good.