Monday February 26th, 2024
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Dr.Sisilove or How (Not) To Diffuse A Bomb

What do a Coca-Cola can and a bomb have in common? More than one would think, apparently, in this crazy world of Sisi-mania, virulent MB hatred, and mass-hysteria inducing ad campaigns.

Timmy Mowafi

Illustration by Bouklao

A hundred years ago, Sigmeund Freud was shocking the world with his groundbreaking psychoanalysis theories on human nature and the subconscious. Meanwhile, across the Atlantic his American nephew Edward Bernays, a PR mogul in his own right, was the first to take his uncle's ideas about how the mind works and adapt them to manipulate the masses, showing American corporations how they could make people want things they didn't need. The First World War came about, according to Freud, as a reaction to the primitive forces unleashed in human beings which his research prophesised. Bernays, meanwhile, was then employed to promote America's war aims in the press. President Woodrow Wilson announced the nation's plan was to fight in order to bring democracy to the world and expel fascism. He was rather effective.

Fast forward to today and Sisi has more social media accounts than your average 16-year old girl. He's used a page from the US' book, withered and tattered at its capitalistic edges, to validate a skewed secular version of democracy and crunch down on Islamic fascism, brandishing the Brotherhood as terrorists in big red lettering on every news broadcast. Speaking of big red lettering, The Coca-Cola Company is currently basking in the ingenious glory of activating another herd instinct in the public by having millions of Egyptians scrambling through kiosk fridges in an attempt to re-affirm their own sense of self and fill their bellies with carbonated water (whilst the ‘peoples’ revolution is now sponsored by Pepsi.)

"Mish hanemshy! Robin Van Persie!"

In recent weeks, a string of planted bombs have exploded around Cairo, further escalating the media furor around the outlawed group. The most publicised of explosions was one that took place outside the presidential palace, which sadly saw one of Sisi's special forces unit (read: a man dressed in checkered shirt and slacks) walk up to the bomb as if he was a naggar, only to have it detonate in his face. Security in the country is on edge and suspicious as ever, as its public remains, for the most part, docile and apathetic, stuck to their sofas watching some c**t pretending to be Jaws, followed by a million ads for cheese and soda.

A few days ago, while creating content for an advertising pitch for Coca-Cola, my brother and I were setting up a shot whereby a Coca-Cola can, one of the ones with the names (that happened to be 7ad mate3rafoosh [someone you don't know]), was placed in a tree that's just outside our building.

With the Coke can balancing in my brother's hands on a tree branch and me snapping away, we were suddenly interrupted by a massive flash of white and a forceful voice yelling, "EHHH!!!! BETA3MEL EHHHH?!"

In a state of slow-motion shock, we stood as a man from the street ran like some action hero, almost leaping to the air to grab the can out of my brother’s hands. He held it up in the air and began a hysterical rant. "LA2 LA2 LA2 LA2 LA2, ENTO MAGANEEN!? Do you not know what's happening in the country? Don't you watch TV?" 

He started shouting for the security of our building to come out, and we started laughing our heads off, thinking he was joking. He was not. Clearly he's not been paying enough attention to the multitude of Coca-Cola ads in between reports on terrorism. So powerful is the level of fear and mass media manipulation that it induced this poor man to make a bomb out of the can of Coca-Kombella (sorry, Freudian slip).

I reached to open up the can to alleviate his fears, but he snatched it away, looking at it frightened and pensive. Security from the building arrived, and at first we thought the man was on our side. However, gradually, the man's facial expression surprisingly transferred to the security, as he too began to suspect us. I guess Coca-Cola really does bring people together.

It really is sick how the media can brainwash people and create such flaccidity in our little brain-boxes, manipulating the masses to buy into both products or ideologies, fabricating reckless rhetoric from platforms that should otherwise be a source of information and education.

Anyways, if you like this article, feel free to hit the Coca-Cola A7la Ma3 button above.

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